Guide
Questions to ask your partner about sex
Last reviewed: September 2026
Coming up with good questions to ask a partner about sex is harder than it sounds - too broad and they're hard to answer, too specific and you might not think to ask the ones that actually matter. Below are useful categories of questions to work through, plus a faster way to cover a lot more ground without either of you having to think up questions on the spot.
Start with what they already enjoy
Before asking about anything new, it's worth confirming what's already working. Questions like "what's something we already do that you'd want more of?" or "is there a favorite you feel like we don't do often enough?" are low-stakes and tend to open the conversation up without any risk of it feeling like a critique.
Ask about curiosity, not commitment
"Is there anything you've been curious about trying?" invites a much more honest answer than "do you want to try X?", because it doesn't put your partner on the spot to accept or reject a specific proposal in the moment. Curiosity questions leave room for a partial or uncertain answer, which is often closer to the truth than a clean yes or no.
Cover the practical, not just the exciting
Some of the most useful questions aren't about new activities at all - they're about pacing, timing, and communication during sex itself. "How do you like to be asked for something in the moment?" or "is there anything I do that you'd want me to slow down or speed up?" are easy to overlook but often more directly useful than a list of new ideas.
Go category by category
Rather than trying to invent questions from scratch, working through organized categories surfaces far more ground: romance, foreplay, oral, positions, and more. Each category prompts questions neither partner would necessarily think to ask unprompted.
Get honest answers, not polite ones
Even well-meaning partners sometimes answer questions the way they think will please the other person, rather than honestly. Answering privately first - before seeing your partner's response - removes that pressure entirely. See how to talk to your partner about sex for more on getting past polite, non-committal answers.
Ask through the app, not the awkward opener
If bringing these questions up out loud feels like the hardest part, a yes/no/maybe list lets you both answer the same set of questions privately, with the conversation only needing to happen once there's already a real match to discuss - see our full guide on sex surveys for couples. Try the free taster quiz together - no account needed.
Frequently asked
What's a good first question to ask?
Something specific and low-stakes works best - asking about one particular idea rather than an open-ended 'what do you like?', which can be hard to answer on the spot.
Should we ask these questions out loud or in writing?
Either can work, but writing - answering privately first, then comparing - tends to produce more honest answers, since neither partner has to react in real time or worry about disappointing the other mid-conversation.
What if my partner doesn't have an answer?
That's normal, especially for broader questions. Specific questions about individual ideas are usually easier to answer than abstract ones about overall preferences.
How many questions should we go through at once?
A handful at a time works better than trying to cover everything in one sitting. Slower, more honest answers are more useful than fast ones given just to move on.
What if a question makes my partner uncomfortable?
Any single question is always safe to skip or come back to later - the goal is honest answers where you're both comfortable, not full coverage of every possible topic.