Guide
How to use a yes/no/maybe list with your partner
Last reviewed: September 2026
A yes/no/maybe list only works as well as how you use it. The mechanic itself is simple - answer privately, see mutual matches - but a few habits make the difference between a list that actually leads somewhere and one that just sits there half-finished. Here's how to get the most out of it as a couple.
Answer separately, and honestly
Resist the urge to go through the list together or compare notes as you go. The entire value of the format comes from answering before you know what your partner thinks - the moment you start guessing at their answer, or answering to avoid an awkward mismatch, you lose the thing that makes a match meaningful. Answer each item based on your own honest interest in the moment, not what you think will make a good match or a comfortable conversation.
Don't rush to finish in one sitting
A long list is easier to answer honestly in smaller chunks than in one marathon session at the end of a tiring day. Most tools let you save progress and come back, so there's no need to power through everything at once. Slower, more considered answers tend to be more accurate than fast ones given just to be done.
Treat a maybe as genuinely undecided
It's tempting to round a maybe up to a yes or down to a no just to simplify things, but that defeats its purpose. A maybe means you're not sure yet - which is valuable information on its own. You can leave maybes as they are and revisit them later, once you've seen your actual matches and have a better sense of what you're both drawn to.
Talking about your matches
Once matches appear, the hard part is already done - you both already know the other person is interested, since a match only exists because you each said yes independently. That removes most of the risk from bringing it up. A simple, direct mention is usually all it takes: name the match, and let the conversation go from there. There's no need to build a case for something your partner has already told you, in their own words, that they want too.
If a match brings up nerves or uncertainty even though you both said yes, that's worth talking through openly - a mutual yes on interest doesn't remove the need to check in on pacing, timing, or how you want to actually go about trying it.
Come back to it over time
Interests change, and a list you filled out once doesn't have to be the final word. Revisiting it every so often - after trying a match, or just when something new comes to mind - keeps it useful as an ongoing tool rather than a one-time exercise. An account-based list that saves your answers, rather than a one-off quiz, makes this easy to do without starting over.
Try it yourself
YesList runs on this exact format across ten categories, from romance to kink, with matches that update as you and your partner both keep answering. See what a yes/no/maybe list is if you want the format explained from the start, our full guide on sex surveys for couples, browse the full question library, or try the free taster quiz with no account required.
Frequently asked
Do we need to sit down together to use a yes/no/maybe list?
No - the point of answering independently is that you don't have to be in the same place, or even online at the same time. Many couples answer separately over a few days and check matches once both have finished.
Should we talk about our answers before we start?
You don't have to, and it can defeat the purpose - talking first often nudges people toward what they think their partner wants to hear. It works better to answer honestly first, then talk once you see where you actually matched.
What if we get very few matches?
That's normal, especially early on or in a longer list. A short match list still tells you something real and specific to try, and you can always revisit unanswered or 'maybe' items later.
How do we bring up a match without it being awkward?
The match itself does most of the work, since you already know your partner said yes too. A simple 'I saw we matched on...' is usually enough - there's no need to build up to it the way you would with an unprompted suggestion.
What if one of us answers honestly and the other doesn't?
The whole format depends on honest answers, since a dishonest yes just produces a match neither person actually wants. If a topic feels too pressured to answer honestly, it's worth naming that directly rather than answering around it.